Preventing Divorce Before Marriage by Frank Walton
(wfwalton@juno.com)
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD" (Proverbs 18:22).
Divorce is prevalent in our permissive society. In 1993, the divorce rate was 51% of all marriages that year (Information Please Almanac, p. 836). Many go into marriage not expecting it to last. They say, "I do," until they think they can do better.
However, divorce is not part of God's ideal for people's marriages. God said, "I hate divorce" (Malachi 2:16). Referring to divorce and the first marriage in Eden, Jesus said, "From the beginning it has not been so" (Mt. 19:8). Since there was no one else in Eden, Adam and Eve had to make their marriage work. Divorce is the failure of a relationship that is pledged before God, until death do you part. God will judge "covenant breakers" (Rom. 1:31) and "adulterers" (Heb. 13:4).
On the bright side, a successful marriage is "a good thing" (Prov. 18:22) and "honorable among all" (Heb. 13:4). Marriage is as old as man, instituted on the sixth day of creation (Genesis 1:26-31; 2:18-25). Success in marriage is not just finding the right person; it is also being the right kind of person! A successful marriage is equivalent to earning a Ph.D. in human relationships.
Guideline Questions in Dating
Remember, you will not marry a person without dating them first! A good courtship lays the foundation for a good marriage.
Think of the following guideline questions in dating. A good marriage is not only a matter of the heart, but it is using the mind God gave you to make logical decisions. "The naive believes everything, but the sensible man considers his steps" (Prov. 14:15). Rational thought will help you in selecting a lifelong mate. The following guidelines may save you grief later on, perhaps even your soul. Your mate can make you or break you. The influence of Solomon's pagan wives turned his heart away from God (1 Kings 11:3). Some think being not married is so bad that they are desperate to get married. However, being married to the wrong person is worse than not being married at all.
It takes time to get to know someone well. Some who feel in love at first sight later wished they had taken a second look. "Do not arouse or awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 2:7). True, life-long love cannot be rushed. You may be in love, not with a person that you hardly know, but with the idea of being in love.
1. Are they a Christian? Aim to marry a Christian. Then, both of you will have the same goal of pleasing God and going to heaven. Marriage is a sacred triangle, a holy covenant between a man and a woman pledged before God (Prov. 2:17; Matt. 19:5-6).
"The closer a man and his wife get to Christ, the clearer they see how important it is for them to stay close to each other" (R. B. Dobbins). It's been observed that marriage is a perfect commitment of love to an imperfect person. "Many waters cannot quench love" (Song of Solomon 8:7). Learning of God's love can help the Christian to be more loving toward their mate (1 Cor. 13:4-8).
Marriage for mainly superficial reasons, such as mere physical looks, is like buying a car just for a nice paint job. A good-looking paint job is great, but if there isn't some reliable quality under the hood, you're not going anywhere. So, it is in marriage. Beauty is really more than skin deep. Love is more than sex. Character counts! "Do not marry the person you merely think you can live with. Marry the one you cannot live without!" (James Dobson).
2. How do your potential mate's parents treat each other? Remember they have been his or her role model for many years. "Behavior runs in deep channels that were cut during early childhood, and it is very difficult to alter them" (James Dobson). Their parents' behavior may indicate how you could be treated later on.
3. Is your prospective mate truly considerate of your personal feelings and needs? The sin of selfishness has destroyed many marriages. Christ-like love puts the well being of the other first (Eph. 5:28-29). This shows itself in small, everyday acts of kindness. If they do not treat you considerately while dating when they are trying to win your heart, how can you reasonably expect them to do so after getting married?
4. Is your potential mate truthful? Marriage is based on trust. You must be able to depend on the other doing what they say and being faithful to you. Otherwise, doubt and disappointment will plague your relationship. Are they honest and open with you? Often dating is time to conceal faults, while each one puts their best foot forward.
5. Can they handle money? A young man or woman, who does not handle their finances well when single, will not suddenly change overnight. Financial troubles, from impulse buying to living beyond your means, have ruined many marriages.
6. Can they hold a job? A dependable work record is a good test of their ability to be responsible and to get along with others. Beware of a failure here, which may indicate an underlying undependable character.
7. Can they say, "I'm sorry" and mean it? A successful marriage comes by both partners being committed to admitting their faults and changing wherever they need to. "A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers" (R. B. Graham). Learn how to make up.
8. Are they complimentary? The best marriages happen when the husband "honors" the wife and she "respects" her husband (1 Peter 3:7; Eph. 5:33). In Song of Solomon, read how both Solomon and his Shulamite bride build the self-esteem of the other by sincere praise. This keeps you from taking the other for granted.
9. Are they flexible? Marriage is learning how to give and take. While Solomon was dating the Shulamite girl, she said, "Catch the...little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom" (Song of Solomon 2:15). Their love was blossoming in courtship. The little foxes of unresolved problems could figuratively gnaw away at the deepening root of their relationship. She wanted to resolve these gnawing problems before they became big ones.
"Falling in love may be easy; growing in love must be worked at with determination as well as imagination" (Lesley Barfoot). Undue rigidity in marriage is a recipe for angering the other. Each must learn how to patiently help the other. One preacher suggested a premarital exercise of hanging wallpaper: a tricky task requiring teamwork. Marriage is the art of helpful compromises. Adjustments must be made along the road of life.
10. How well do you communicate? Good communication is a vital
key to a lasting, satisfying marriage. It beautifies and enriches
a relationship. "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold
in settings of silver" (Prov. 25:11).
Suppressed anger and the silent treatment solve nothing. Can each
of you express your honest feelings and concerns without either
exploding? Can both of you listen to each other, by empathizing
with the feelings behind the words? Constructive communication
can resolve festering problems, as well as guiding the relationship
to deeper intimacy. We all yearn for someone that we can bare
our soul to, without fear of rejection or ridicule.
Remember, the decision you make in who to give your life to in marriage is one of the most serious and important ones you will ever make. God bless you to make it the right one!
Short Exhort - Written and/or Compiled by David J. Riggs
(http://www.public.usit.net/driggs/)
"And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules." (2 Tim. 2:5)
"In the 1988 Summer Olympics in Seoul, South Korea, Ben Johnson of Canada won the one-hundred-meter dash, setting a new Olympic record and a new world record. Our American contender, Carl Lewis, came in second, and most were shocked that he hadn't won the gold. After the race, the judges learned that Johnson had an illegal substance in his body. He ran the race illegally, so the judges took away his medal. Though he ran faster and made an unforgettable impression, he did not deserve the reward. Though the world and even our fellow Christians may be impressed with and applaud our deeds, let's not forget that God is the final judge!" (Charles R. Swindoll, Hope Again, p. 34.)
Let us continue to serve God in the way He has ordained in His word.
MARK YOUR CALENDARS
Our weekly services are held at 1318 Griffin Road, Leesburg, Florida
34748.
Phone: (352) 365-9946 for times of services.
Web site: http://www.geocities.com/~cdillinger/cocbs/cocbshp.htm
Buddy Payne will present three lessons on Creationism or Evolution August 9-11, Thursday and Friday evening at 7:00 PM and Saturday evening at 6:00 PM. Please make your plans to attend these lectures and invite your friends and neighbors.
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BIBLE INSIGHT is published
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FINAL THOUGHT: Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed. --Booker T. Washington (See James 1:2-4; Rom. 5:1-5)