Lesson 15
I. Introduction. Prov. 20:19, I Tim. 3:11, Prov. 10:18, Rom.
3:7-9.
If you are like most of us, there are times when you make innocent,
fairly benign comments to others about a variety of things. You'll
say things like, "Did you hear about so and so?", "Did
you know that so and so did this or that?" sometimes you
initiate the conversation. Other times you keep a conversation
going without realizing that you're doing so. You'll embellish
someone else's comments, share a story or example, get into too
much detail, or ask one too many questions, Then, if you're like
me, you'll wonder why you spend so much time on the phone and
why you can't seem to get enough work done, or why your influence
on others is not as great, or why people do not like to talk to
you.
II. Avoid comments that are likely to lead to gossip or unwanted
chatter.
On the surface, this may not seem like a really big deal until
you consider how much time and energy you spend engaged in conversations
that may not be entirely relevant, or may not be happening at
an ideal time. Think about how often you feel stressed for time
and energy. How often do you look back at your day and wish you
could have had thirty more minutes to get something done or to
simply catch up? Or think about how often you're in a hurry to
complete something. However, for the Christian, there is the greater
question-Am I doing and saying the things that God would want
me to? If our conversation leads to gossip, we are wrong. If our
influence or the influence of others suffers because of things
I say, I need to change. It's easy to blame the world or people
you talk to during the day for this problem, when, in fact, you
may have played a significant role in the problem.
Obviously, there are many times when you want to be engaged in conversation with friends or coworkers, and that is perfectly fine. The trick is to become aware of when you are conversing out of habit rather than by choice, and to be aware of the direction that a conversation is heading.
This is a very powerful strategy because even if you add only
an hour or so a week to your work life by virtue of biting your
tongue, or if you stop one slip of the tongue that could cost
you dearly, it is worth it. This is not to suggest that you became
antisocial or rude, only that you be careful of what and how much
you say when what you say is likely to lead to further, perhaps
unwanted, conversation or unwanted results.
III. Never, ever backstab
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and all they
did was to moan and complain about their boss and many other people
they work with? Within minutes you become an expert on the "dirt"
in the company. If you believe their story the entire company
is messed up. Except, of course, for himself.
The sad part of it is that sometimes the person talking is not
even aware that they are doing it. It seems to be a part of his
or her ordinary conversation. Apparently, backstabbing was something
that they were in the habit of doing.
There are three very good reasons never again to backstab. First and foremost, it is wrong in God's sight. It stirs up problems between all involved, causes the Christian to loose influence and respect, and can divide brethren in many ways. It is has been said many times and many ways: if you don't have anything good to say about someone, say nothing at all. Secondly, it sounds terrible and makes you look bad. When you hear someone slamming someone behind his back, it says nothing about the person they are referring to, but it does say a great deal about their own need to be judgmental. Thirdly, it creates stress, anxiety, and other negative feelings.
The next time you hear someone backstabbing someone else, try
to imagine how the offending person actually feels--beneath the
confident, secure appearance. How does it feel to say nasty, offensive,
and negative things about someone else who isn't even there to
defend themselves? Have you ever found yourself having just backstabbed
someone and been left with an uncomfortable feeling? You may ask
yourself the question, "How could I have stooped so low?"
You simply can't win. You may get a moment or two of relief from
getting something off your chest, but you will need to repent
and apologize to the person you talked about, or live with your
words and their consequences for the rest of your life.
Finally, it's absolutely predictable that if you backstab someone,
you will lose the respect and trust of the people you are sharing
with. It's important to realize that, even if they appear to enjoy
what you are saying, and even if they, too, are participating
in the gossip, there will always be a part of them that knows
that you are capable of backstabbing. They have seen it firsthand.
There are many of us who would never dream of saying anything
unkind to a person's face, but would not hesitate to say it behind
their back. Psalms 10:4-11, 36:1-4, 101:6-8, Prov. 12:22, II Kings
2:23-24.
Happy Verses: Hebrews 10