Carey Dillinger, March, 1995
The Daily Commercial
According to an article printed recently on the sport's page of this newspaper, there are parents of players on the Leesburg High School girl's soccer team that are scared. They fear potential retribution against their children if they go public with their concerns. They are concerned that their daughters are being psychologically mistreated by their coach. Other parents have been bolder and have written signed letters to the local papers and enlisted the aid of reporters, in their quest for what they perceive as justice. Still other parents have publicly rejected these concerns and have written them off as sour grapes from parents whose daughters were not getting playing time or not playing the position their parent's thought they should.
It is not the purpose of this column to debate either the legitimacy of the concerns expressed by the parents or whether high school athletics are worth all the trouble they seem to generate. Instead let's spend our time together trying to discover a more efficacious way to air concerns with our school programs so that innocent people are not persecuted.
The major predicament with the way the problem under consideration is being handled is that if the allegations turn out to be either true or false the soccer program will suffer. Also complicating this situation is the problem of personality conflict. In a pure debate it is a hard and fast rule that you attack the person's stand, but never attack the person. The nature of coaching precludes the separation of the stand and the person. Coaching, as with any job that depends on motivational techniques, is dependent on personality. There are bound to be conflicts between coaches and parents, coaches and athletes, coaches and administrators, coaches and faculty, coaches and the community, and last, but certainly not least, coaches and spouses. These kinds of conflicts reflect what many see as the down side of coaching. Since the personalities involved cannot be separated from the problem, it is imperative that a procedure to solve differences of opinion be invoked that involves using tact and going through the proper channels.
During the early 1980's an enthusiastic young coach came on the scene at Leesburg High School. His opinion was that his sport was the most important sport in the entire athletic program. He got his opinion wrong! Because of his attitude, he crossed swords with one of the most respected individuals in the school, Coach Hubert O. Dabney. Coach Dabney was the Athletic Director and all business concerning the individual sports teams was to be done through his office. The young coach decided that he would bypass the A.D. and take his business straight to the principal. Needless to say, Coach Dabney was not pleased with this maneuvering and the young coach found himself at odds with the one person who could help him the most. Luckily for the young coach, no newspaper headlines screamed, "Young Coach Attempts To Circumvent Authority of Athletic Director!" Why? Because even though the young coach did not know how to go through proper channels, Coach Dabney knew how to employ tact. He handled the problem man to man, quietly and in the privacy of his office.
The young coach learned a valuable lesson from the old coach and gained an important friend and mentor in the process. A friendship that lasted through Coach Dabney's last days on this earth and continues even today in the heart of that young coach. The young coach is not that young anymore, but he continues to the best of his ability to use tact and go through the proper channels. Unfortunately, he has not always succeeded in his effort. In the ensuing years, he has alienated players, coaches, parents, students, faculty, administrators and even some readers of his monthly newspaper column. The point of this true anecdote is fourfold:
we are going to make mistakes, even when we know how we should act;
there is no such thing as being too careful when dealing with an another individual;
even when there is no clear-cut right way or wrong way to proceed, there is probably a best way and;
if you are wrong you must admit it , apologize for it and fix it.
Many people consider the Bible to be a book that does not speak to the problems of the 21st century. However, it is interesting that there is a specific passage of scripture that could be adapted to the problem at hand. The following quote is taken from Matthew 18:15-17a (NKJV), the speaker is Jesus: "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church."
In the case of the L.H.S. soccer coach, the parent's have "told it to the church" before exhausting the other avenues available to them. First they should have gone privately to the coach the instant the problem was brought to their attention. If that failed to yield results then the athletic director and principal should have been contacted directly. Still no results? Now it's time to go to the county level with the grievance. Finally, and as the absolute last resort , take it to the public.
Back to the Column Table of Contents