BUMPER SNICKERS

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

* All generalizations are false.

* I brake for no apparent reason.

* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

* Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.

* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

* He who laughs last thinks slowest.

* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

* I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

* Born free...Taxed to death.

* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.

* All men are idiots, and I married their King.

* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

* If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

* No radio - Already stolen.

* Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

* According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

* How can I miss you if you won't go away?

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

* Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

* i souport publik edekashun.

* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

* Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

* Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

* Caution: I drive like you do.

PRESIDENTIAL SPECIALS:

-Clinton: We forgive you . . .Now Resign!

-Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency

-Adultery is not a family value

-Does character matter YET?

-America needs a President Not a Predator

-Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat

-My President Slept with Your Honor Student

-Jail to the Chief

-Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President

-The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility

-If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter

Back for more WISDUMB!