A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
You have the right to remain silent . . . Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day with sunshine is like, you know, night.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Money can't buy happiness . . But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget the book. COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Money can't buy happiness... But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you where to go and make you feel happy to be on your way.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Thanks and a tip of the old engineer's cap to: Charlie, Teri, Jess, Manda, and "The General."
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